Sunday, June 7, 2009

June 7, 2009

Today's image was created with the memory of my son in mind. Though it doesn't deal with him directly, in a symbolic way it deals with my hopes and beliefs of what life might be like on the other side.




Five years ago today my son was born, and simultaneously left this world for a better place.

Five years ago today, my world crumbled around me and I lost a part of myself.

Five years ago today, I realized who my true friends are, and started to realize what was truly important.

So, I want to take a moment to write a letter, to share a letter to my son. He may not be here, and will never get to read it, but maybe he's watching down on me and knows how I feel.




Dearest Gavin,

Today you'd be turning five. You'd be a big boy now and starting school in the fall. You'd be brave and loving, happy and inquisitive. You'd love your sister and would be teaching her all that you've learned- all that you know, being the older brother.

Today you'd be five and instead of singing happy birthday to you and watching you blow out the candles, Momma lit a candle and let it burn for you all day.

I never forget you, though everyday I try to not focus on the place in my life that is empty, hallow without you in it. I try to be happy and live each day to the fullest, because even for the short amount of time you were in my life you made a difference and I don't want to waste that joy.

Your sister is getting so big, and I talk about you to her. I tell her that you're in a better place watching over her and I like to think that she met you before she was born. She is beautiful and loving and good. I know you'd be proud of her and of how smart she is. Though, I'm sure you would teach her a thing or two.

Even though you're not here today, I love you and I will always love you. I will never forget the beautiful baby boy who first opened my heart to never ending love. I will never forget that you were beautiful and pure and that even though you couldn't stay here that I know you were important and that you made the biggest difference in my life.

I will love you forever, I will celebrate each year on your birthday and remember your soul and that it was too sweet and pure to remain long in the world.

Your sister will grow up knowing of you, because you are still and will always be her big brother--even though she'll never meet you.

I will make sure she knows, as I know, that you're always here. Watching over us.

Happy Birthday Baby Boy,

Love,

Momma

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